Training on Tinian

The Saipan Tribune
Opinion
Training on Tinian
Monday, June 05, 2006

We are told that we shall be graced with a permanent force of military training personnel and their accoutrements based on Tinian. We will be further blessed to have the U.S. Marines who will soon retreat from Okinawa doing their live training on Tinian because, heheheheh, Guam is not big enough. I'm sure any elementary school student on Tinian could tell you which island is the larger of the two.

Obviously the REAL reason is that they think we "provincials" are too hungry for the funds that will accrue, or too stupid to see the environmental impact and the lifestyle impact that will occur when these chaps show up for their days of fun-in-the-sun blowing stuff up. The truth is the Guamanians won't stand for it, and neither should we.

Here are a few reasons we should think twice before embracing this as some kind of patriotic monetary windfall:

1. In the last election 946 people voted for the mayor on Tinian. How will a Thousand or so additional stateside hawly voters on the rolls skew that election? Not to mention a governor's race that was decided by only 99 votes. (971 Tinian residents voted for CNMI governor). Think about it.

2. Live fire training means lots of lead flying around and a good number of large explosions occurring on a rather small island. Think THWAP THWAP THWAP at 3am as the helicopters bring special ops troops back and forth over once peaceful Tinian for their night operations. On the other hand, fireworks are kind of nice. but every night? KaBOOM! Think about it.

3. Think about the land trying to come back to normalcy from a horrendous war 60 years ago being torn asunder anew by tracked vehicles and ripped by artillery, hand grenades and the like. Are they only going to be using peashooters and driving on the paved roads all the time?

4. PCBs, fuel leaks, heavy metals in the soil and percolating down to the fresh water aquifer. Sure they will clean it up. (Tanapag just got SOME of its 60-year-old fuel leaky fuel tanks removed just last month). The most environmentally despoiled places on the planet are not industrial sites..they are closed military bases. They left it a mess once, they will do it again.

5. Brown Tree Snakes. It is no secret how Guam got overrun with these local life-destroying pests. The military brought them in with their gear. and they will do the same on Tinian. Bet on it. No more Tinian monarch. Most indigenous wildlife will be eradicated. Power outages will become more frequent just as on Guam when the hordes of snakes grill themselves on the power lines.

6. The social impact of large numbers of post adolescent males unleashed on the rural atmosphere of Tinian during their time off is another unwanted side effect. I have already gone on about that in a previous column so I won't belabor it here, but the impact will be very real and very damaging.

7. Assume you are China. You believe you have become strong enough to finally take back Taiwan. You know it will start hostilities.You have long-range nuclear capability (ICBMs). You know your enemy stockpiles war goods and troops on small islands in the Western Pacific. Where do you aim the nukes?

8. There is more but I'm running out of space.Now don't get me wrong. I am not averse to having these Marines, and their USAF and USN counterparts come on up to the CNMI and visit.

They will need some respite from the hustle and bustle of Guam from time to time, and we could use an influx of their cash as visiting tourists from time to time. Let's welcome them with open arms, show them a good time, let them feel a bit of the wonderful local hospitality and let them see the beautiful sites of our Northern Marianas. then let's send them back to Guam where they can pollute that ahem, far more sophisticated island.

Here is an alternative: Let the Marines continue to have live fire training and add their personnel assault training on FDM (Farallon de Medinilla), which they have already decimated with bombs and rockets. Have them fly the troops in via a roundabout flight plan that passes well out of eyesight and earshot of our inhabited Northern Marianas. Let 'em blow the crap out of it. Let them dig foxholes and put on war paint and shuttle around in their hummers. Only a few fishermen (some of them my friends) will notice or care.

It's nice to have a watchdog, but you don't have to sleep with him to get the benefit. He likely has fleas, and at best his table manners are atrocious, not to mention his propensity to lick himself, and others, in unmentionable spots. They have been known to reproduce incestuously. ARF ARF.

Quote of the week: When elephants fight it is the grass that suffers. -African proverb

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Bruce A. Bateman writes Sour Grapes when the moon is full and the mood strikes. Stay tuned for each exciting episode

The Saipan Tribune